I have been planning this post since May. Since I made this pathetic post.
It was the closest to depressed I have ever felt. After I left the library that day, I went to lunch with Paul. I just stared out the window. Even at my maddest, he can get me to smile. If you have been around me long enough, then you know under any circumstance, I can't help but smile, (at some point). It's a problem sometimes actually. :) Well, that day, he couldn't get me to smile.*
I honestly thought I was depressed.
Thankfully those symptoms were only there for a few hours. The rest of the week I was in physical pain. All over. It was terrible!
I did research on stress.
Everyone always says there are physical symptoms related to stress, and every time I heard that I thought they were crazy. When I am running late, it is not going to give me a stomach ulcer. When Annie spills her Pediasure on our brand new, 1,000 tc sheets, it is not going to make my hair fall out.
Well, in my research, I discovered there are two types of stress- the everyday stress like running late, and chronic stress.
I was experiencing chronic stress.
I had been under stress for at least 5 months at the time, but when I really started to think about it, my stress had been there for years.
First of all, in a 5 year period, my sister died, I got married, moved out of my parents house, graduated college, bought a house, fostered and lost our boys, adopted Annie, and moved across the state-for the first time in my life I was living away from my home town. While some of those are awesome events, they also bring about stress.
The biggest stress was the fact that I was not settled. You see, in 2007 I got married and moved out of my parents house into our one bedroom apartment. It was too small. Months later, we moved into a 2 bedroom apartment, and immediately planned on buying a house. So for the (almost) 2 years we were in the apartments, I never really allowed myself to settle. Then we built our house but immediately started talking about moving. Then we realized we had to stay for 3 years since we got money from the government for buying a new house. In those 3 years, we fostered, adopted and looked into moving- constantly. Although I decorated the house, I never really settled. Then we knew our 3 year mark was coming up so I began packing and Paul began looking for a job. We got the job across the state from my home town, and we moved.
Now, I must say here that I am completely in love with our little town! When we go back to Houston or Dallas, we feel stressed by the traffic, too sticky from the humidity, and too rushed by the fast pace of everything. We love small town life!
However, we moved out west to move into a hotel with a toddler and dog. For 2 months. Then we bought a house, only to find out we needed to get rid of that too. SO, for 3 months we "lived" in that house. By live I mean we stayed confined to our bed because the rest of the house was filled with boxes. So, if you are keeping track, that is 5 months confined to a room/bed with a toddler and dog.
Not to mention, I didn't have internet, tv, ANYTHING to keep myself occupied. I felt like I was going to go crazy.
By May I hit my breaking point. Having never truly settled down in 5 years, this hit an all time low when we did not settle in this town. I almost had a breakdown.
Not to mention, Annie had to sleep with us since January. 5 months with our baby in our bed. 5 months of not really being together. Sleeping together is more than just sex- its cuddling at 2 in the morning. It's snuggling while reading. It's late night talks. None of that occured- for 5 months. And yes, that includes sex too. I would be stating the obvious to say that having Annie in our bed for 5 months strained our marriage.
Thankfully we moved into our new house in June. I busted my tail for 2 weeks moving and settling in- just putting pictures in my house made me feel 100 times better. Paul and I sharing a bed again was amazing! It's nice to have my best friend back. :)
Then I worked at our church's VBS for a week- didn't get much moving in done then.
Then Annie started to sleep all day. From 8PM-1PM- that's when I'd wake her up! Who knows how long she would have actually slept. Obviously I couldn't get much done because she was sleeping all day, (I have to drive between the 2 houses to get boxes and I can't leave the house with her asleep).
We took her to Dallas and they sent us home cause nothing was wrong, except the sleeping was highly concerning. Whatever... another week of inactivity.
The next week the sleeping continued so we went back to Dallas and the ER once again sent us home. The next day I took her to a different hospital and asked that she see a neurosurgeon. She was operated on- another week of moving lost, (not to mention the stress of having a baby not normal for 2 weeks, but drs refused to care for her, and so I had to fight for her. Then she had to be operated on. Yeah, not stressful at all).
Then we came home and Annie and I were sick at the same time- no moving done again.
Then Paul was sick the week after that. Not much was done again.
Needless to say, settling in this house is vital for my mental and physical health.
I have been very proud of myself. Everyday since we have all been healthy, I have chipping away at the boxes. The first 2 weeks we lived here I worked nonstop. Annie is not allowing that right now, but I am not letting that stop me from still getting work done. Little by little, everyday, it must be done!
We just got our fridge yesterday. Yeah, so that would mean we have had to go out to eat for pretty much every meal since January. I am so sick of fast food.
Remember how I lost 25 pounds before the new year? Yeah, totally gained that all back- between being confined to a bed for months, and having to eat out since January. If that is not enough to stress/depress you, I don't know what is.
I have visitors coming in mid August- after that- I will be ramping up my eating healthy and exercise, and by February I can be at my goal weight, (according to my phone app that helped me lose the 25 pounds so easily).
Between now and then, I will finish moving in to this house. We are so close to being done. And, by done, I mean I will not have one box left, (except for seasonal stuff). We will be 100% settled in this house by mid August!
And yes, once we are settled, I post pics of the house. I know some of y'all have been dying to see those pics. :) Sorry, life has been quite crazy!
With all that being said, I am in love with our new town and our new house. I just need to get settled to relax. :)
*according to the research, at that moment I was responding to the stress with: Foot on the brake – A withdrawn or depressed stress
response. You shut down, space out, and show very little energy or emotion.