Thursday, October 6, 2011

5 years

On October 6, 2006, my 18 year old sister Tracie began her journey home from SFA University for the second time since she started that fall. I was very excited this weekend because two of my besties from high school were, (finally), coming down to stay with me, (I stayed home during college). I spent all morning cleaning my room and getting ready to have company!

I had been seeing a Christian counselor at the time, and while I was in counseling I got a phone call from my Mom, two actually. It was very common for her to call during the day like that, (join me for shopping, question about ____, did you hear about so and so, etc).

{because of this, to this day I never let me cell phone out of my sight}

When I left counseling, I called her and she informed me that Tracie had been in a car accident, but she was conscience. She was a little panicky, and was back and forth about going to Nac to get her. I told her to stay where she was, (at my aunt and uncle's), and I would go with her to get Tracie.

On my 15 minute drive to my aunt's house I called my boss and told him I would late to work that day. I had to leave him a message, and in that message I started to cry as I said, "she could have a broken leg or be dead for all we know." As I said that, I knew I was being dramatic, and that couldn't be true. I also called Mr. Incredible to fill him in on everything.

When I got to my uncle's house, I saw him on the phone outside. He must have not heard/seen me because right as I got in ear shot of him I heard him say, "Linda, she didn't make it!"


I walked up to him crying and he hugged me, unknowing what he had just told me. I opened the door and met my mom's embrace and began to wail...

Now let me back up a bit. I was always "strong" in my family. I was the oldest of 4 kids, so I had to be an example. I was strong for them, (and my mom), when my parents got divorced and my grandma died, etc.

So when I met my mom in the entry way, I completely lost it! I never thought I would cry like that. ever. Just like in the movies. Then we let go of each other, and it stopped. I never cried that hard again. For a while I was a little worried how my emotion at that minute affected my mom, but do you know what? To this day she does not remember that. She only remembers me taking it, "rather well." ThankYou God, again!

For the next 30 minutes or so, I was still in shock and denial. I wasn't sure if I heard my uncle right or not. Did she die, or did I misunderstand. I called Mr. Incredible, and he asked him to come to me, (he was in Lubbock finishing school). I felt bad asking him to come to me, (I don't know why because losing your sister is a very big deal). I called one of my friends that was going to stay with me, and I said, "Kristina, I think my sister died." She told me not to say that, thought I was just worrying too much, but I told her, "No, I really think she did, I heard my uncle say so." Finally my uncle asked if I knew what was going on. I told him that I had overheard, but I needed to hear from him to make sure because it isn't something you easily digest. So he told me, and to this day it is unreal to me.

The next couple days I neither slept nor ate. Until about the third day, God calmed my spirit. You see, I wasn't sure if Tracie was in Heaven. Contrary to popular belief, being a good person will not get you into Heaven. You must give your life to Christ to enter into Heaven. Period. I wasn't sure if she had done that. So three days later, God revealed to me that she had in fact given her life to Him, and she was with Him in Heaven. God does not lie, so I knew she was in Heaven. After that I was able to eat, sleep, and function much better.

Last month, God reminded me of this truth and it was so comforting. :)

Something beautiful I experienced through all this was on the Sunday after her accident, (she died on Friday). I went to Church as usual, and got loved on by my Brothers and Sisters there. During the service, and during the second song in worship, I started to cry. Not because of her death, but because I was WORSHIPING GOD! I was able to worship God in spite of losing my sister! It was a wonderful gift that God gave me that day. Once I knew Tracie was in Heaven, that and my moment of worship helped my get through the loss to this day!

"He is Lord of Lords! He is King of Kings! He is Mighty God, Lord of Everything! He is Emmanuel! He is the Great I Am! He is the Prince of Peace, who is the Lamb! He is the Living God! He is my Saving Grace! He will reign forever, He is the Ancient of Days! He is Alpha, Omega, Beginning and End! He's my Savior, Messiah, Redeemer, and Friend! He's my Prince of Peace and I will live my life for Him!!!"

On our way to church this past Sunday, we heard this song. I was in the middle of a conversation, and I could no longer focus because I heard that song. I knew the anniversary was coming this week, and so I was happy God was reminding me of His character. I almost turned to Mr. Incredible and said, "bet ya 50 bucks they sing this today in worship." I didn't though- I kept that to myself. We walked in for worship, and take a guess to the first song they played...

Y'all, God is so amazing! I just knew we'd sing this song because God is just so faithful like that!

Here are some of my old posts about Tracie:

2 year anniversary

Linkreoccuring nightmare



3 year anniversary

22nd birthday

Beauty will rise

4 year anniversary part one and two

I posted all of these to show you the grief, coping, and truth I experienced over the last 5 years. Please take the time to read them all! I sure miss my sister, but I know I'll see get again someday in Heaven.

1 comment:

  1. I absolutely love that song! It is so beautiful and perfect that it was played this weekend. Keeping you and your family in my prayers especially today. Tracie will always be remembered!