mourningmoon

Like a "babymoon," except instead of a last hoorah before baby, it will be a time to lick our wounds and prepare our hearts for our bundle(s) of joy the Lord has waiting for us. If you couldn't guess, our mourningmoon will be in Boston. We love that town and miss it so much. We can't think of a better place to go to recoup. This time we plan on spending a whole week.

Thinking of this trip is bittersweet. Actually this whole experience is bittersweet. Look up bittersweet in the dictionary and you will see us. We can't wait to return to Boston, but we would give anything to NOT have to go there, (under these circumstances of course). I was in the girl's clothing section of the mall today, and was thinking to myself that maybe the Lord has a little girl waiting for us, and I was deciding which dresses I would buy her. Partly fun, but also horribly depressing. I want WOODY AND BUZZ!! I can't fathom adopting other kids right now! I want to adopt them!

I kinda know how a mother of a child with cancer feels. Yes, the boys do not have pain from cancer, but lets remember that they are in foster care for a reason. They have had pain, and I am sure that when they return home they will have more. I pray they won't, but the chances of it is high. I look a women who hold their babies till their dying moments. I wonder what it must be like to KNOW the end is near, but still cling to hope that maybe, JUST MAYBE, God has another plan in store that they can't see. I fully understand this now.

I live every moment with them showing them every ounce of love I can muster. I give them my whole heart; I am not holding anything back for my protection. They deserve my whole heart. Mark 9:37a says, "Whoever receives one child like this in My name receives Me;" I have clung to this verse since I first met the boys, (thanks CCoke). There was always a possibility they could go home, though we had a VERY good chance of adopting them. Since we got the news of reunification, I have been meditating on it, and God revealed this to me: When we love these boys, we are loving Jesus. If we give our whole hearts to the boys, we give our whole hearts to Jesus. Yes, our hearts will break in the end, but really in the end they will be in the hands of Christ. It doesn't get any safer than that.

This last (almost) week has been a mourning period for me. I can go my whole day with a smile and be truly happy. All of a sudden, I will see toys in Walmart that I would want to get them for Christmas, or dresses for my possible new daughter, or I find myself thinking of what to do in Boston, and suddenly I am overcome with grief. I can still make it though my day because I know the Prince of Peace. That doesn't take away the grief, but knowing Him allows me to grieve while still being at peace with it all.

Please continue to pray for the boys. Pray for their souls- that they will come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior one day. Pray for their hearts as they go home. And selfishly, I will ask you to pray that God might decide to let them stay with us.

Boston, I dream of the day I can be with you again, though I don't want to see you for a mourningmoon, I would rather see you again as an adoption celebration.

Buzz was looking at the Green Monster pics and memorabilia in the monster bathroom, and pointed to it and said, "Mommy, I want to go to the monster game." Oh, Son. I cannot tell you how much I pray that I can take you one day.

{I have soo many pics, and I will post them soon I promise}